my food issues

when i was younger i wasted a lot of food. I had a small appetite and was a picky eater. NO chili, beansprouts, veg that hasnt been boiled in soup for hours till it becomes totally cui.  And i had to have a equal amount of meat/sauce to match my rice. i used to take 10 mins to nibble on a spoonful of rice. my dad used to say he would pay anyone $1000 to make me eat better. everytime my mum told me not to waste food because there were people who were starving elsewhere in poorer parts of the world i always shoved the plate away and told her to send the plate of food to them if she cared so much about them.

i was a terrible child.

but anyway, with puberty came extra helpings and late night suppers. And somewhere along the road i started cooking and really appreciating food. its such a bliss to enjoy food, honestly.

and i know its a terrible thing to gloat about but i’m super thankful to have an effective metabolic system because no matter how much or what i eat, and how minimal my exercise routine (if any at all), i’ve never been fat. sure i used to have an ass but now its gone and i dont know where it went.

there was once in secondary 2 i was just recovering from an illness. but it was a bad time to cos i was pretty stressed being involved in a debte competition, having to take the place of a senior. my teacher asked if i was anorexic cos i didn’t look well and she had this impression i never ate. (now that i think back it was prob because i once rejected a granola bar she offered to me) she wanted me to write a food journal, which i thought was hilarious. but it was odd, because in my mind i was thinking this is ridiculous i eat all the time and of totally normal proprtions anorexia is totally not an issue for me its not even close, please. but emotionally, it was just so conflicting. i felt personally attacked and till this day i cant explain why but it just left me crying like crazy. i wasnt having family probelms or anything or haha low self esteem, but it just poured man. and for a long time after that i would, not all the time, but now and then at the back of my mind, wonder if i am, even though its not true. there were times when i brushed my tongue with my toothbrush too far in and nearly vomitted i wondered what it would be like to have bulimia.

sure i’ve wanted to be thinner before but it wasnt because i had confidence issues. its because i’m a totally normal girl living in a world that glorifies stick figures.

anyway 2 days ago i swam 20 laps and engulfed a bigmac meal afterwards.

i think i’ll be fine.

2 responses to “my food issues

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